into the light ministry

STEPPING OUT OF THE BOAT in the name OF

0800 772 0318

Chapter 7

TOO UNRULY FOR MAINSTREAM SCHOOL

The meetings and visits and special attention by shrinks didn’t work. I can remember sitting in a room aged about 10 being filmed and interviewed and being asked what was wrong with me. They threatened me with care homes and boarding schools telling me they would take me off my mum if I didn’t start to fit in, but I didn’t fit in I wasn’t meant to be there I was a travellers son I was meant to be living the same life as my brothers not getting bossed around by people in suits, it only made me angrier and i slipped deeper escaping into my fantasy life.

Finally the school had had enough, when I left primary school instead of going to the secondary school all my mates went to I was driven to Romsey in Hampshire 50 miles away to a massive mansion that looked like a stately home. St Edwards is where I spent the next 4 and bit years.

It was August 17th 1987, I got dropped off at the main doors out the front of the school, waving goodbye to my Mum and Mick, I stood there watching them drive off into the distance, frightened and feeling alone I turned round to face the school, it was a scary looking house about the size of Buckingham palace! Then an older boy escorted me in through the big wooden doors tat stood over 10 feet tall into the hall way, the building was like something out of a horror movie, wood everywhere, and littered with old paintings, the smell was of old clothes and furniture polish, beautiful to an adult but scary to an 11 year old, I was taken down to the booking in department (reception) and told to take off my clothes and hand them in, placed behind a screen I was worried someone would see me undress and shyly and quickly I got undressed changing into the clothes the school had given me, I was rushing that much I put the pants the school gave me on the wrong way. Putting my leg through the waist section they rubbed on me all day until I got to somewhere safe to adjust them, little did I knew that this wasn’t to be the first reception I would be booked into, and booking into receptions became a part of my life even up to now!.

That was the day I got given my first number, 33, it was stitched into all my clothes, today I had become a number, and a number is what I am still to this day!

The school was massive and had about 50 bedrooms which had up to 10 beds in each, the corridors where long and had old photos hanging on the wooden walls, the floors where polished wood, and the ceilings where high and out of reach, I can remember walking up the huge wooden staircase to the dorms, That was my first night and I was placed into a dormitory with about 8 others boys some aged 18!

I can remember feeling so lonely and scared, I put my head under the covers and tried praying to God, it was dead silent and all I could hear were the wind blowing against the big windows making a whistling noise and the creaking and banging of the walls and heating system, I was alone and had no way out, I couldn’t just walk out of this school as I had done with my other schools, it was miles away from home and they had a night warden on duty, I wouldn’t even of found my way out of the complex corridors! I got right under the covers and try to imagine myself back home with my mummy. All thoughts of A dad had gone out of my head, it was my mum and Mick I wanted now! That night I cried myself to sleep.

The next morning at 7am the staff came round. “hands off cocks on socks” they shouted as they kicked the beds with the bottom of their boots, this was all new to me, it was like being in the army. We had 45 minutes to get washed and dressed and make our way down stairs to the food hall. But before we could get into the food hall we all had to line up in one big row, while the staff walked up and down checking us to make sure we were dressed correctly, once checked we were ushered into the hall and given a table to sit all, but once again it was not that simple, they had traditions, we had to stand by our tables and say grace, “Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, for what we are about to receive make the Lord make us truly thankful Amen” standing there waiting we waited for the staff to give us the nod then we sat down to eat.

There was a pecking order to meal times, the tables were long with ten seats, one head boy would sit at each end then he would have his lieutenants sat either side, then would be the lesser boys or new boys sat in the 4 centre seats, we had the duty of “stacking up” the dirty plates into a pile ready to be loaded onto the trolley. Now and then the boys would lean over and punch the person next to them, it was usually the lesser boys that got hit, so spent the next few years sitting there waiting for a fist to punch me in the arm, I was lucky and this didn’t happen a lot, and soon I got moved up the lieutenant and eventually head of the table.

Having no contact with the outside world other than a letter and an incoming phone call now and then made me feel isolated, being a skinny lad and knowing I weren’t going to just walk out of this school prison I had no choice but to hurry up fit in and man up, I soon learnt that the teachers here didn’t mess about and if you were naughty you knew about it! As I found out when I tried to run away.

One night once I was familiar with the grounds I made my break for freedom, I managed to get out of the building past the night man, finding myself out in the middle of nowhere freezing cold I had to go for it or give up, so I went for it, running as fast as i could trough the fields that ran alongside the road, soon my feet were wet through and I was covered in mud up to my knees, this was going to be hard! Regretting the attempt I had thoughts of returning but by now it was getting light and I was miles away, I kept on going through the fields in what I thought was the direction of Romsey train station, field after field, hill after hill, I was lost! Cold wet and hungry I almost started to give in and walked close to the road kind of hoping the search team would find me, and they did, getting near to a main road I heard a minibus screech up, staff jumped out and bundled me in the back like something from a SAS movie snatch scene! Sat on by staff all the way back to school I was made to feel intimidated, the staff were all ex army and knew the drill. Once back at school I was feed, showered and given a pair of gym shorts to wear and stood in the corner on the hall for hours while other boys walked past and kicked me now and then, after that I was made to clean the toilet urinal cooper bar until you could see your face in it and then sent to bed early, I was just 12 years old when I made my first escape attempt, I was determined it would not be the last. Frightened of the staff I had to make sure I got away next time or I was sure I’d get a beating.

Will Black was rolling around on the floor with Mr Rogers, they was fighting! Will was about 13 and Mr Rogers in his late 30s, they rolled around and Will was doing his best to hit Rogers in the face. Mr Rogers eventually got Will under control with a headlock choking him into submission until other staff came to help. I stood there amazed and freighted as I witnessed a member of staff taking physical control of a student, in the past schools id never seen this kind of action and it made me aware and cautious not to try and pull any of the old stunts I did while in mainstream education.

I soon settled in to school life but never got used to being away from home, I would regularly cry to sleep at night and when I wasn’t crying I could hear at least one other boy crying for their mum. It was a big scary lonely place for a young boy, the activities were designed around taking our minds off home, they had motor bikes and Mini cars we were taught to drive around one of the big fields on the school grounds, horses, scuba diving, rock climbing, swimming, fishing, hiking, you name it the school had it, in the broacher it sounded like Butins holiday camp. But not so much fun when your locked in at night! More like a prison for young boys.

A few years into my stretch I started to act up this involved stealing from the school, I got hold of the staff master key and had a copy cut, this gave me access through most doors and into the storage cupboards, I stole anything I could get my hands on. I don’t know why I stole I just did, I didn’t even want or need the stuff. Now I think I stole for payback, payback for feeling rejected, our crimes got more brazen and we started to rob the schools canteen room, sweets were our target and we cleared the place out! The school went mad and tried to make an example of some of the boys found with extra tuc (sweets) I was never fingered for this job, and back then the boys must have been loyal as I wasn’t grassed up, not like most of nowadays crooks which roll over like a new puppy when questioned. Relationships soon started to build between me and some staff known as house masters, Susu, Larry, Mr Butler, all father figures, over the next 4 years I became very fond of the staff and pupils. Educated to a pretty high standard I was set to become something in life, I was going to become a master builder, training in bricklaying, carpentry and technical drawing, I would probably have ended up being a surveyor, that’s if I completed the school which I didn’t. This was a school for bad boys that you couldn’t get expelled from, so I was told.

REJECTED

15 years old sitting my exams in the new gym hall, I remember looking up at the clock, I had finished 5 minutes before the other boys and placed my pen down so the teacher could see i was a good boy, “Long” the teacher came over to my desk, “your wanted by Mr Butler down the end of the school” this was the end of the school that I first got changed into the school clothes in, “Ok” I said, I thought I was wanted for some errand, I made my way to that end and noticed the school car, a white f 1989 registered Ford Fiesta, Mr Butler wasn’t there, and I can’t remember who it was as I was in shock from the words that came out of their mouth. “your expelled” they said, no reason was given and to this day I don’t know why I was expelled, I can only think it had something to do with the 3 attempts I had made to escape, one involved the stealing of a motor bike and riding it 3 up along the A27 whilst being chased by staff at 2 in the morning! I needed help not expelling, but a school for the badest boys in the country thought they couldn’t even help me. 10 minutes later I was dumped off alone again at Romsey train station with a bag of clothes and belongings. With no bedroom to go back to and my family having built a structured routine that didn’t include me I felt like I’d get in the way, and i didn’t want to be burden on them, this was not true but my self pity was strong..